sunny day

Even if there’s a love song
I could sing by myself
This warmth from the touch of your arms
Can’t be found alone

It's Monday. It's 3.43AM. It's cold. I can't sleep.

I'm tired, but I can't sleep cause I keep thinking about things. Firstly, I'm worried.

Okay, I'm not the sort of kid that is worried all the time but this happens when I have nothing to do at home and when it's the holidays. I think about weird stuff. This time I'm even worried that it might really come true.

I've been wearing spectacles since I was primary one. That's EIGHT years of wearing spectacles for me. Everytime I change my spectacles, my degree goes higher. There was once when the optometrist told me that I might go blind one day. Ever since that day, I've been trying hard to take eye breaks. I have taken them, but somehow my dgree just goes higher everytime. In primary school, I can barely even see a thing on the board.

I really thought that I'd go blind.

And now, as I'm typing this, I'm worried sick. What if one day I really go blind? What if one day I can't see my family members anymore? What if one day I can't see my friends anymore?

I'm really afraid. I really am.

Secondly, friendships.

What makes a friendship? I keep thinking that. If you trust your friend too much, she'll betray you one day. If you don't trust your friend, you'll loose her. I know that because I have been there before. And as I'm typing this again, I'm terribly confused.

What happened between Chantel and I?

I'm still wondering. She has changed, she isn't the Chantel that I once knew. The Chantel I once knew works hard in her studies, she doesn't slack or meet boys. She goes for CCA everytime. She laughs, smiles and never frowns.

Thirdly, home.

As some of you might know, I'm moving house again. My grandma's staying in my place and so is my uncle. There's enough trouble in my family and my Dad cannot afford to be sick at a time like this.

Sometimes I wonder if I am really a bad luck child. Maybe before I was born, life was better. I don't know. But somehow everything in my life is vanishing before my eyes. Nothing ever stays for long.

I miss the old times when my family could afford things. I miss the times when Mum and Dad came home together and sometimes gave my sis and I surprises. Now they com ehome seperately, both tired and dead beat from work.

Maybe it's true, I don't understand myself.